News

10 December 2019

3 tips for separated parents to make the most out of the Christmas holidays

  1. Communicate and plan ahead

After separation parents often put in place a routine for their children.  In some situations the children’s routine will not initially include arrangements for school holidays and special occasions such as Christmas Day.  If you fall into this category, then it is time to start thinking about the upcoming holidays.

Christmas is for many people a very special time, to be shared and celebrated with family.  Christmas is often a challenging time for separated families.  The first Christmas after separation can be particularly difficult due to changing family traditions.

The key to reducing stress and the impact of separation on your children is early and respectful communication.  Give careful consideration as to what annual arrangements, particularly for Christmas Day will suit your family, and enable your children to celebrate with both parents and extended family members.

One of the most common arrangements for Christmas, is for the children to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with one parent and Christmas evening and Boxing Day with the other parent, and alternate these arrangements each year, this ensures the children get to see both parents on Christmas Day.  However, this might not be suitable for every family, for example, families that have traditionally travelled away from home to spend Christmas with family.

Once you have considered what arrangements you think are in your children’s best interests, discuss with the other parent as early as possible and try to reach an agreement.

If you do agree on what the arrangements will be each year, or each alternative year, then it will reduce the need for you to discuss the topic annually.  Consider whether you should formalise your agreement by either a parenting plan or consent order.

If you are considering taking time off work and travelling or camping with your children over the holidays, these plans should also be discussed with the other parent beforehand, and as early as possible.  You should also make sure the other parent is aware of any festivities that your children may be involved in, for example school concerts and plays.

Planning ahead will enable your children to have the best day possible and will reduce the risk that your children will feel ‘caught in the middle’ this festive season.

If you cannot reach an agreement, you should consider inviting the other parent to a mediation so that you can more carefully discuss and focus on putting in place arrangements for the holidays, with the assistance of a mediator.  Mediation is difficult to arrange on short notice, so the earlier you start discussing the holidays, the better.

  1. Gift giving

Consider coordinating your gift giving with the other parent.  It is not uncommon that during the relationship one parent will take responsibility for Christmas shopping.  Now that you have separated it is likely that you are both out hunting for the perfect present for your children.  Consider discussing with the other parent what you are thinking of buying before hitting the stores, to avoid duplication.

If your child brings along with them a gift that they have received from the other parent, be positive and encouraging.  Remember Christmas is about the children. It is also a good idea to ensure your child returns with the gift the next time they see the other parent.

Remember what the Christmas spirit is all about.  Whilst you may envisage gifting your former spouse a lump of coal this year, consider how assisting your children to pick out a small present for the other parent, may help and support them to adjust and feel more comfortable with the changing family dynamic.

  1. Celebrate Christmas Day

After separation, Christmas Day will not feel the same for anyone in your family.  That doesn’t mean that you cannot enjoy Christmas (you may just need to adjust your expectations and make some changes).

For many separated parents, Christmas Day can feel very lonely.  Especially if you find yourself waking up alone Christmas morning or you are not putting the kids to bed Christmas night.  This can be particularly hard where you are used to certain family traditions.

Surrounding yourself with loved ones and family can reduce some of the feeling of emptiness.  Consider making arrangements to stay with loved ones and continue to celebrate and enjoy your traditions.  You may also consider creating new traditions based around the time the children will be spending with you.

If you would like to discuss your parenting arrangements with one of our Cairns and Mareeba family lawyers, contact us today on 4036 9700.

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